Yesterday chatted with Pearlyn & Zi Hao.
Was mostly chatting about twilight with Pearlyn. She gave me a link to the movie on youtube. It was part 9 (baseball scene) & she wanted to tell me which is Emmett. Jasper looks so cool when he spins the bat. Carlisle looks nice also. Then she started sending me links to their pictures. Finally know how Jacob looks like 'cause I watched the movie before reading the book & when watching, I don't really know who the heck is this & that. Feel like watching the movie again even though I only watched it 2 weeks+ ago but the stupid problem is.. no sound!
Was playing biotronic on facebook when Zi Hao suddenly send me a message, telling me to read Denon's blog. Then was WTH, made me the bad guy >.< Was telling Pearlyn some things on MSN & I was feeling quite upset. (Sorry Zi hao, I don't know if you realise my mood suddenly change yesterday)
I've been thinking about this for a few days. I don't know why am I striving so hard for. So what if I did well, in the end, it doesn't even matter. No one will be happy for me; no one will care how well I've done. I might as well do badly 'cause there will be no difference anyway. Maybe I would get scolded but then again, it doesn't even matter.
Everytime when I thought I could finally get something I want for once, I didn't. It was just my wishful thinking all along, I could never ever have something I want. It was so near yet at the same time, it seemed so far away. Everytime you promise me something & yet you broke it at the very last minute. It was as if I was reaching the peak, full of hope, yet you push me down. Within a second, I fall from the highest point to the lowest point. Hope shattered again & again for twice in a day. It was just a big blow for me, every single thing just happened within that fateful 3 hours. The first time it shattered, I was foolish enough to believe in another empty promise & it, again, shattered. Everything is just a lie.
I have no goal anymore; I don't know what would motivate me again. Maybe nothing would.
Now I stand at the crossroad, wondering which path should I choose.
Please please please don't comment about this post.
Labels: Feelings, Weekend