This is gonna be a long post..
Walked to school with him but don't really feel like talking.. Still feel guilty about yesterday.. So it was a silent walk.. Reached school then walked to usual place.. Heard them talking about something that didn't involve me at all.. Hai.. it's always like this.. Always being left out..
Assembly was about drugs.. Some pictures are so disgusting.. Don't dare to look..
PE was horrible. Was hit by the ball from the other court. First time it wasn't that pain. In less than a minute, the ball hit me again.. But this time, it hit me so painful & my spec even fall onto the ground.. Then feel abit giddy.. After that was feeling both hot & cold even though I was under the hot sun. My hands were icy cold & my face felt so hot. Went to sit down & talked a while with him.. After a while he went to tell Mr Loo so Cindy accompany me go sick room rest awhile..
Didn't do SS homework so sat on floor.. First time wor..
Math was boring.. Just more & more worksheet..
Go through worksheet..
Wanted to go out de.. But she don't want.. Hai.. Then went PE room find Mr Lim to buy the physics TYS. Don't know why it's always like this.. They don't like it when I pangseh them.. But when they pangseh me, I couldn't say anything at all.. All I could do is to keep my mouth shut & do nothing about it.. It's always like this.. Maybe this is how my life should be.. I remembered yesterday, she asked Angelina
only whether she has the chemistry worksheet on salt preparation 'cause she wanna copy the answer.. Angelina couldn't find & I don't know why I went to find mine & lend her despite how she treated me & she didn't even ask me.. I must be
crazy.. Feel like the
second again.. Perhaps in everything I do.. I could only be the second.. People always don't remember me.. Maybe it won't even make a difference whether I'm in this world or not.. Just something invisible & not needed..
Math did worksheet again..
Went to 644 to buy prepaid card to top up phone then walked back to school.. Went to canteen to wait for him.. Nothing much to do so just study chemistry. Then Rui Ting came at 4+ then told me the conversation was hard. Then she left. After awhile Wei Ling came then she kept say 'si le si le'. Then chatted abit & saw Elizabeth so knew it was his turn le so went to wait for him.. Then walked home.. At my house void deck he said something about movies & that made me remembered many things.. Felt abit sad.. Then he stood in front of me & put his hand on my shoulder.. Had this feeling that he want to hug me.. But saw one woman kept looking at us & I got scare.. =(
I dare say.. I only went to cinemas to watch movie for pathetic three times only. The first time was with family, about 10 years ago.. The second time was last year.. When the china people came for exchange programme & all last year sec 2 hcl people can go watch red cliff part 1 with them.. Third time was this year.. Last year, I suggested a class movie outing.. When I asked them whether they want go or not.. All give me excuses.. In the end, I didn't go at all even though I wanna watch it.. Hai.. This year, beginning of the year, she went to watch red cliff part 2 without asking me.. I remembered last year we already agreed to go watch it together when there is part 2 but she forgot about it.. Hai.. I kept quiet.. I never said anything.. During july she suddenly ignore me.. Felt so alone.. But it wasn't so bad at the start cause he was there.. But changing seats & sitting with that sleeping guy made things worst.. Suddenly felt so isolated from everyone.. Break down quite a few times..
One day.. tears will flow again..
Labels: Feelings, School 2009